Welcome

“Welcome to the asylum on the hill. Our Home Sweet Home. You should feel quite fortunate to have made it past the fortifications of our front gates. Rather medieval, wouldn’t you say? They wanted to make sure we would never escape, didn’t they? They did a fine job of that. We rarely let anyone in these days. For obvious reasons. But since you waited several days in plain sight, and aren’t showing any signs of the damnable pest, we figured you might make good company. Sorry you had to sleep on the cold ground, out in the open like that. But we had to make sure. Two days and nights. That’s all it takes. I don’t see any buboes on you. Your face feels cool as a birch’s bark to me. And your tongue looks healthy enough to eat off. So welcome. Welcome, good Sir! We’re sorry to hear that the entire village is dead. That’s quite a shame. Quite a lucky break for the dogs and cats and horses, though, innit? They always got treated about as well as we did in here. Our keepers fled. Ran home to their dying families. They won’t be back, I reckon. It’s just us real folk now. And you, dear Sir, of course. A few of us plan on going to town and turning them loose soon. The poor animals. They were the only ones who ever treated us kindly there. Even the possessed ones are lovely. I’ve had quite lovely conversations with a pig who is 700 years old. Imagine his wisdom! I celebrated his birthday with him. Later, he had his entrails pulled out and burned before his eyes as he squealed high dudgeon…just for chatting with me. He’s back though. You can’t keep a good pig down! Later, I can introduce you to him. We consult him for important decisions. He’ll want to weigh in on you. We’re growing our own food now. The witches among us make fantastic gardeners. And healers. Oh, I can see by your expression you don’t like witches? Oh Sir, you shame yourself. I assure you they’re fine people. Wait, turn around just for a moment. Now look at that! Look at the way that monstrous door comes down! All that iron fortifying it, those spikes all over these ramparts. I wanted you to see that descent. You people really wanted to make this place tight, didn’t you? Why, you’re safe as the sticky icky wax in a judge’s ears in here. Just one thing, Sir, before we proceed to finding you your quarters. We have a few little tests, Sir, just to make sure you’re our sort of people. I’m sorry about the muzzle that’s made this a monologue more than a conversation. And the chains, the shackles. But we have a process around here. We didn’t make the system. We just respect it and follow its practices. It’s tradition. Now if you’ll just rattle along this way, we’ll let Minerva give you a good examination. She said she remembers you from the village. The lovely things you said about her to the entire village. She’s been getting her instruments ready. I have no doubt she’ll serve you right. She’ll be your orientation guide. I’ll come back after a few hours. And then we can go from there.”