Moss Fairy

She broke up with him by telling him that she was a moss fairy. It had always been true, but she had been in denial for years. When he asks her to sell her car for their love, she tells him it is not moss fairy work. When he asks her to sleep with his best friend as a favor, she tells him that the Moss Queen would revoke her fairy license for the violation. When he explains that his sudden weight gain and bad skin are attributable to the forest excesses of her recent fairy behavior, she points to studies that show fairy genetics are responsible, if any blame at all is to be assigned, which seems a really stupid thing to do, anyway, in…